Thinking
by angeloneous
Summary: Cameron just walked out of House's life. What are they going to do now? (CameronHouse) Rating may go up in future chapters.
1. Chapter One CameronHouse

'What was I thinking? Driving to his place. Walking to his door. Knocking! I'm such an idiot!'

That's all Cameron could think about as she sat in her car. She was still parked in front of House's house. She didn't know where to go from there. She had expected or hoped for so much more from him.

'He wouldn't even shake my hand. Couldn't even look me in the eye. Why the hell did I give him an ultimatum? How could I put myself in his situation? What was I thinking?'

Cameron kept thinking in circles. How had she been so wrong? She truly thought House felt something for her. Something more than co-workers. More than friends. She didn't think it would ever be possible to hurt this much again. But losing her husband had been completely out of her control. There had been nothing she could do but hold his hand and love him until he faded out of this life.

With House, though, she could play the blame game. Maybe it would all be easier if she believed in God, or a bigger plan, or something. Then she could rant and rave about losing two great men in her short 29 years of life. She'd have someone to blame. Someone to hate. Someone to ask, why? But it was only Cameron and so she sat there blaming herself. Hating herself.

"Where do I go from here?"

'What was she thinking? What possessed her to drive over here? Why in the world did I let her in? I'm a complete idiot!'

House stood there, in the middle of his living room, pondering the ramifications of the past few minutes of his life.

'I couldn't even look her in the eye. You'd think I was the naive twenty-something. But how could I? If I had looked at her, I would have kissed her. If I had taken her hand, I don't think I could have let go. Why did she give up? Why is she leaving? What was she thinking?'

Of course the more House thought about it, the more he realized that it was pointless blaming Cameron. She was just doing what she had to survive. He could understand that. He had built himself into an emotional cage so that he could survive. She'd just bended the bars and given him a way out…and all he could do was look away.

House knew that he could love Cameron. That the emotion was right there, waiting for him to grab it and acknowledge it for what it was. But he was weak. His vicodin dependency had proven that. He was a coward. His constant need to push everyone around him as far away as possible was an example. He knew it was so cliché, avoiding relationships so that he wouldn't get hurt again.

And yet, here he was, standing in the middle of his living room. In pain. And vicodin wouldn't fix this. Neither would alchohol or his ipod or playing the piano. There was only one fix for this pain. And she had just left him behind.

He just kept thinking over and over, "Where do I go from here?"


	2. Chapter Two Cameron

Sorry this chapter is so short - I will be shifting back and forth between Cameron and House. I still don't own the characters!

Driving home, Cameron didn't really see anything. She was thinking about her future. The one she had prayed for as the young wife of a dying man. The one she had wished for as she had approached Dr. House with the question, "Do you? (like me)" The one she had hoped would happen earlier, as she had laid her cards on the table. She had let House know how she felt. She had put the ball in his court. But he didn't have a response. Nothing at all.

This is what was haunting Cameron as she parked her car and strode to her building's front door. Normally House was quick with one liners and quips. Normally he would have looked her in the eye and shot out some sort of insult about the fairer sex or some such nonsense. Normally he would have been a jerk.

So, why was he acting so abnormally? The doctor in her wanted to solve this puzzle. The woman in her wanted to close this case so that she could move on. 'Ha, move on, yeah that's what I want.'

Entering her apartment, Cameron was on auto-pilot. Drop keys and bag on counter. 'Why didn't he lash out at me?' Grab glass. 'Why didn't he look me in the eyes?' Grab wine from the fridge. 'Why couldn't he even shake my hand?' Pour. 'Think, think, think, there has to be some reason.' Drink.

She was driving herself crazy and she knew it. Downing the rest of her glass of chardonnay, Cameron put the glass in the sink and headed to the bathroom…it was time for a long hot shower. And ABBA…dancing queen was just what she needed.


End file.
